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Dr. Parik’s Meme Diagnosis of the Week: Weed, Bitcoin, and Bumble

Hi, I’m Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA, Esq. If you don’t know me already, I’m a Chartered FinMeme Analyst (CFA) with a particular expertise in #stonk valuation (pro-tip: just multiply by two). Anyways, I’ve been told that I have a particularly special insight into the world of finance and memes, so the team at Bullish asked me to create a regular round-up to help explain what the hell happened this week… and then offer my “diagnosis” of the virality. 

This week was a big milestone for cryptocurrencies as EV heavyweight Tesla announced that it had put $1.5 billion of its balance sheet into Bitcoin, much to the delight of crypto investors (or as the young people call them, HODLers). Weed stocks, which significantly underperformed broader U.S. equity markets (that means #stonks) over the past year, finally started to get high. Plus, Valentine’s Day season is in full swing, as clearly emphasized by the popular dating app Bumble going public. 

Big stuff is going down, but what does it MEME? Without further ado, let’s dive into Dr. Parik’s Meme Diagnosis of the Week…

via @DrParikPatel

Summary: The biggest story of the week concerns Tesla’ bet on crypto. The EV giant recently announced that it has converted $1.5 billion of its balance sheet into Bitcoin, and plans to start accepting the currency as a form of payment soon. Elon Musk, Tesla’s CEO, is already known for his crypto memes, but he also recently announced that he’s bought some Dogecoin for his son X Æ A-Xii so he can be a “toddler hodler.” That said, I’m still not convinced he’s not a robot…

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: From Microstrategy to $TSLA, it’s clear that the future of shareholder value-creation is no longer in improving operations, but rather lies in crypto investing. I’m convinced that the first company to lever up and invest its entire balance sheet into Bitcoin will very rapidly overtake Apple in market-cap. 

via @WallStBets

Summary: Weed stocks have been on a tear lately. After vastly underperforming the broader U.S. stock market over the past year, the aptly-named marijuana ETF $YOLO went up by 41% in just ten days. Sure, it’s no GameStop, but weed stocks are starting to get high. (You can read more about this in Bullish’s recent “Guide to Wise Cannabis Investing”)

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: As a doctor who’s never prescribed a medical marijuana card, I would normally advise my patients to stay away from the devil’s lettuce. However, I am not averse to you making money. As the great Ben Graham once said, “Why would you smoke weed when you can buy weed stocks?”

via @DrParikPatel

Summary: Love is in the air, and Valentine’s season is in full swing. This is clearly evinced by Bumble — the popular dating app with over 100 million users — going public at a valuation of over $14 billion. Investors appear to have fallen head over heels for the company, and its share price shot up by more than 60% on the first day of trading.

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Personally, I don’t see what the fuss is about. I’ve been using Bumble for years and still haven’t had a single match! In totally unrelated news, I will once again be spending Valentine’s Day alone. Ladies, if you’re reading this… my DMs are open.

via @AliFarhat79

Summary: There’s no other way of putting it. Value stocks have underperformed the market big-time, with ETFs like $FXU yielding a total return of -8.6% over the last year, versus a 15% return on the S&P 500. Tech giants like Amazon, Apple, Alphabet, and Facebook have been catalyzed by the COVID-19 pandemic, posting record earnings whilst industrial laggards have been left behind. 

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Imagine being an analyst and spending hundreds of hours reading filings and modeling out companies — only to be outperformed by a teenager buying a currency named after a dog. It’s crystal-clear that the future of investing lies in buying stocks based on memes. 

via @swoph

Summary: Guys are often simple creatures. We laugh, we cry, we dress up, we work out, we hate the cold, and we will literally buy a highly volatile dog-themed cryptocurrency instead of going to therapy. It’s in our blood… 

Dr. Parik’s Diagnosis: Now that you understand the male galaxy brain (or, at least, my galaxy brain), please consider donating to your local man by buying him a pair of mittens and a single Dogecoin. It will do more than you know.

So there you have it! This was the week in memes. Now here’s what the doctor is prescribing: 

  • Don’t smoke the devil’s lettuce. Buy weed #stonks instead!
  • Please teach me how to use Bumble so I don’t spend another Valentine’s Day alone
  • Future-proof your investing strategy and start analyzing memes
  • Donate some mittens and dogecoin to your local man (me) this February

~ Dr. PP out

Dr. Parik Patel

I am Dr Parik Patel.

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